


Polysomnography

by GothieCakes



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Cannibalism, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothieCakes/pseuds/GothieCakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To contrary belief, Fear is not the most common emotion to cause nightmares; rather, confusion, guilt and sadness"<br/>/ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Living

If during some unfortunate consequences any human soul would have to suffer the same pain that he went through, please do tell them it would be much easier to die.

Imagine cutting your pinky finger - harmless, barely drawing blood.

Now, imagine scraping your knee, or both of them. Imagine the sting: it hurts right?

Imagine cutting open your hand. Maybe you were cutting fruit. The blood pools in your palm and spills onto the floor. It starts to soak into the carpet; It stains.

Now.

Cut your wrists. The pain is sweet, salty maybe even. It leaves scars, staining up your arms. You don't mind, it draws attention; You love it.

Gouge out your eyes.

They're bleeding now, right?

You can’t see. It’s dark, right?

You yell. But where's your tongue? – It’s gone too. Blood pools, your mouth opens, red liquid spilling down the corners of your ugly frown.

You try and shout a name. You can’t; your ghost of a tongue replaced by strangled cries.

 

-

“SEBASTIAN”

Air rushed back into his lungs as if he'd never once taken a breath, he sat up, throat burning. His head ached as if someone had beat it in, eyes dry, mouth gaping open sucking in harsh breaths.

It had been a dream, but he still tasted it - crimson droplets staining his teeth, copper tasting liquid from his eyes.

It had been so real.

He ran a hand through sweaty hair. He needed to get a grip on himself, it was a dream, he wasn't dying, he was perfectly fine. Pushing himself up on shaky legs, he walked into the bathroom, retrieving his glasses from the porcelain counter top, slipping them onto his face. His eyes bagged through the endless nights of horrors. It all had actually started recently, when he moved in with his new roommate. He was an older man, slicked back hair, and was quiet.

They hadn't talked much, aside from a few smiles and hello's; But ever since he'd introduced himself, he started having weird dreams, horrendous, ugly dreams. Nightmares... He was afraid to sleep, it was terrifying, it didn’t make sense. But of course, it’s impossible that A person could cause all this. So, he brushed it off as if it was nothing.

But it got bad after a year. He found himself calling his mother one night, and she told him to see a psychiatrist; Strangely enough, most in the area were booked solid, wait-listed for three years at the most. He'd even gone as far as trying for prescription sleeping pills, waiting countless hours to see some sort of a doctor, coming up short when he was told that there was no use. His symptoms were not enough to qualify.

Since living with his roommate at the time, he picked up some trivia about him, and he knew enough to figure the other male took high dosage sleeping pills. He would come back into the house, and stash them up into the medicine cabinet after each doctor visit. He never knew why exactly he took them. Maybe he lost someone important to him, maybe he had post traumatic stress after seeing something terrible. Hell, maybe he just couldn't sleep at night.

Well, at some point he decided to try them. He didn't ask, just snuck up to where he stashed them, grabbed a half empty bottle, and left it at that. That night, he took two. Twenty minutes past, and he was drowsy and couldn't even drag himself into his bed before passing out on the sofa. His roommate had been watching some sort of an action movie on the opposite side of the couch, hardly paying attention to the other. It took him a couple of minutes until he noticed the other’s soft breathing. So when the older man carried him to his room after he fell asleep, he couldn't explain the torment that shook through his veins. Even though he was out like a light, it felt as though someone was stabbing needles through his skin, ripping his flesh. It made them worse. In his dream, he was being slowly pulled apart, limb by limb, eaten by people with blank, expressionless masks. All he saw was a familiar black haired man before his eyes were completely crushed.

He heard someone scream right as he woke up.

The morning after he took the pills, he decided to never take them again. They made the nightmares worse, haunted them with the feeling as if he couldn't wake up, and he could always hear a familiar voice. It called his name, low, and soft...

“Joseph”

He would feel parts of his skin being scraped by sharp teeth, felt pieces of flesh next to his neck being ripped. He went to scream, but a hand came down over his mouth, silencing him, a wet tongue lapping up the pooling blood.

“Joseph”

 

- 

He didn't recall much after that dream, only that he didn't remember walking to his bed that night, but he'd been so drowsy he didn't remember much in general.

 Now, two days later, there he was, standing in the mirror and lamenting over his never ending nightmares. He filled the sink he was stood over, slipped off his glasses, then plunged his face into the lukewarm water.

Joseph emerged from the bathroom a couple of minutes later, slipping on a shirt and baggy jeans before walking out into the main area of the small flat they rented together. Sebastian was in his usual spot, seated on his end of the sofa, laptop in hands. He seemed to be reading an article of sorts, having 'KRIMSON CITY NEWS' plastered onto the top of the page.

“Something happen?”

He asked the question without trying to sound too invested. Waiting for an answer he wandered into the attached kitchen, putting on the kettle. Maybe a coffee would wake him up...

“Mass Murder”

The kettle clicked down just in time with the words. Joseph’s face twinged into a shocked expression. The words rang in his ears.

_ 'MASS MURDER' _

It was unsettling, even just the way Sebastian said it, as it if was nothing... But it wasn't as though he didn't know what was going on. Ghouls were starting to slowly pop up in the city.

Joseph didn't know much about them, the information was classified, supposedly by one counter measurement unit in the police station. But they weren't doing a good job up to date - just recently two children were sent to the orphanage after their family was attacked by a ghoul. The mother, father and youngest were torn apart, while the oldest children managed to run away...

The police got to the scene right after the ghoul left. This time another pair of innocent people was killed and half-eaten before being thrown away like garbage. It made him sick to his stomach.

“Ghouls?” Joseph asked, leaning against the counter. His voice was drowsy and his head still hurt.

He probably shouldn't have asked, but he wanted to know to maybe try and stay away from them. Not that he would realize it if he met a ghoul - they were said to look like just humans, according to the police anyway. But in his mind it was still better being informed rather than in pieces.

“Mhm”

Unresponsive as always, Sebastian let out a breath. He probably wouldn't have shared the details even if Joseph asked. Deciding not to venture further, he pushed himself off of the granite counter, starting to fix his coffee. It was the instant type, and really gross in his opinion. He could always tell when Sebastian did groceries - he bought shitty coffee. A quiet sigh was all that was said on the matter.

Moments later, he was on the other side of the sofa, coffee and remote in hand, flipping through the channels all telling the same story,

  _'Mass murder... ghouls?'_

_  'Homicide in Krimson?' _

  _'Manslaughter on the streets'_

He'd gotten all the information he needed and let out a whisper of a breath, clicking off the television. Sebastian looked over at him curiously, probably wondering why the TV had gone on for two minutes and then went silent again. Joseph was on his phone, scrolling over something endlessly, the reflection shining in the lenses of his glasses. Sebastian averted his gaze to the floor, a white carpet thrown underneath the glass coffee table, few stains here and there from over the years, slightly drained tan marks littering the soft surface. He finished the last few sips, draining his mug and then stood up.  Joseph felt his weight lifting from his side of the couch, and looked up inquisitively from the sudden movement.

Sebastian noticed him about to say something, his eyes opening ever so slightly larger and his lips parting for a quick second before shutting back down over perfect teeth. He interrupted Joseph before the man could utter a word.

"I heard you"

Sebastian turned his back to him. Joseph was sitting dumbstruck, as the older man slipped on shoes and then without another word left the apartment. The door gave a soft click, echoing through each empty room of the house. Joseph jumped up, knocking the empty mug from the table, small drops of dark coffee embedding into the pure white cotton. It never stopped, the echoing click of the door. It would be the last familiar sound he would hear in years.

"Sebastian-"

 

-

Sebastian became different after that day. Joseph had been counting the times where he'd left without a goodbye or hadn’t wished a good morning when he'd wake up. He counted the times Sebastian would return with strange girls late at night, each new one looking more whorish than the last. He counted the times Sebastian would come back late, reeking of alcohol, trying to get closer than needed to him... Touching shoulder, hands brushing on accident, trailing up his thighs… He despised him drunk. There were also the nights he dreaded he would be left alone, the other man never coming back.

He would never hear the familiar click of the door opening and closing.

As for nightmares, they'd only gotten worse as Sebastian took on this new attitude. For the times he was around, Joseph would have such severe headaches he would almost pass out from the pain. His nightmares were brutal, terrifying...

But no matter where he managed to fall asleep or pass out, he'd always wind back in his bed, on top of his familiar mattress and under his comforter.

"Night, Joseph"

He would always hear his voice half conscious.

 

-

 

_ "Sebastian..." _

__

_ He now knew Sebastian wasn't anything like he thought. He wasn't fucking the girls he brought back... Wasn't drunk... He was never drunk. He was being quiet on purpose... _

_ He was eating them. He was a murderer. _

_ He lied... _

_ For years... _

_ He seduced the girls, brought them back into his room, kissed long enough for them to think they were about to fuck and then silenced by one hand over their mouth and one around their neck. _

_ Sharp white edges ripping into the cold of their dying skin. _

_ He found himself one day in the same situation, being pinned to the counter, the other’s hands on his face, his eyes closing behind his glasses as he felt Sebastian’s lips on his neck. It did feel nice, arousing, until he tore through the muscle, ripping pieces of skin through his teeth bubbling laughter low in his throat. _

_ "Mm.  Joseph..." _

 

-

 

He woke up with tears in his eyes. A dream…

It was just… A dream.

He always hated waking up feeling emptier than before. 


	2. Landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Nightmares exist outside of logic, and there's little fun to be had in explanations; they're antithetical to the poetry of fear.”   
> ― Stephen King

"Mr. Oda?"

 

Joseph felt a heavy weight lift from off his shoulders, the doctors voice breaking through the reverie she'd put him through.Her words were dissolving, Joseph was fading back into reality. His eyes focused after a few moments, and he repositioned the glasses on his nose, the cream coloured ceiling blurring into place.The room itself was dark, cobwebs in each corner, burgundy paint splattered across the walls. He was sat as he usually did, facing her - Tatianna Gutierrez, a recently appointed psychiatrist who ran sessions for students or young adults going through hard times. She would help him with his nightmares, decoding them, trying to figure out something to ease the terrors.

Medication, to be precise.

He'd figured out (three years ago with sleeping pills) that he hated medication.One year after, he'd taken all sorts of pills – multiple to calm nerves, sleeping pills, relaxants. And none of that went through, it would always get worse. But today, Tatianna was dwelling over a pen and paper, mumbling a low, "I think we’re finished for today..." before standing up, smoothing out her skirt, and handing him a slip of paper.

 

Joseph ran his free hand through his hair and stood up, his bones aching from the movement after sixty minutes of being idle. Then, he looked over the thin fragment of paper.

'Doctor Gutierrez' was scratched at the top, 'Prazosin' scribbled at the bottom. He really didn't know what it was, his best guess would be just another medication that wouldn't work.

She gave him a half-hearted smile, but he saw through it. She looked upset, that kind of a pitying look, as if she was giving him the last thing she knew of,

 "This one might work" she flipped over the bundle of prescription notes, walking over to her desk and setting them to the side "Hopefully... it'll stop them" she strode over to the door, unclasped the lock, then opened it signalling for him to leave.

 

Joseph made his way forward, the pale lights of the waiting room piercing the glare in his glasses immediately. It was all familiar, the old fashioned desk in the corner, above it an antique looking mirror. The waiting room should have been dead. He should have been her last patient, but when the blur of thelights finally subsided, a younger boy was sat to the far left of the room. His pale complexion could have been mistaken for a part of the wall if he hadn't been shaking so much, hands running through snow strands of hair, dressed In all white clothing. He looked like he'd come right out of an asylum.

Tatianna whispered a quiet 'good luck' before calling the boy's name, her breath hitching slightly, almost as if she was afraid he would run away. The name rolled off her tongue like lace, quiet, not wanting to scare him, she pulled a hand through brown locks, anticipating.

 

"Leslie"

 

The boy looked up, a trace of a shocked expression on his face. His eyes were black and he'd looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks. He nodded, standing up wavering dizzily side to side as he made his way over, hunched, hands held across his chest. She waved one last goodbye to Joseph and followed after the boy into the room.

 

He struck him as one very odd kid.

 

-

 

Joseph trudged out from the offices, making his way to the nearest drug store. It was a short walk across the street, a liquor store and chain grocery store in the same strip as the pharmacy. Its red sign lightened up the shadows around the buildings as the sun set. It had only been five, but it seemed later, he thought; the streetlights clicked on, a soft electrical buzz filling his ears. All aside, he dreaded the winter hours. It felt as if the days would end quicker thanthe blink of an eye.

Joseph pushed open the rusted door of the pharmacy, b-lining straight to the back counters. A familiar girl stood there, hair cropped short to her shoulders, 'Kidman' engraved into a plaque on her chest. As soon as she saw him, she let out a soft laugh then immediately started typing. After two years, she knew him quite well. He walked up closer, setting the slightly tangled note on the marble top. She read over the name and her eyes narrowed, punching in a few more things into the computer. She hit enter and looked up to him,

"Twenty minutes" she said, speaking quietly. There was no need to, it was only him waiting, as there wasn't another soul around.

He nodded, moving to the waiting area and pulled out his phone. It looked as if he was on his phone, but in reality he was thinking – thinking about a brown haired male who'd left one night over nothing. Miscommunication? He didn't know, just three words that had been haunting him.

 

_"I heard you"_

 

 

"My shift is over in ten" he looked up from his reverie, trying to find the source of the voice.

"Maybe we can grab a coffee or something?"

Right, Kidman. The pharmacist who'd he been seeing here for years now, it was bound to happen. Plus, he thought she was pretty cute. He adjusted his glasses. It wasn't as if he didn't know her, but he had no idea she even paid attention to him. Well, now he knew that she obviously did. Proposing some sort of date..?

He blinked a few times, but nodded,

"Yeah, sure" really, when was the last time he'd been on a date? Not that it was, maybe she just needed someone to talk to. But he slightly hoped she didn't...

 

The twenty minutes had passed slowly, Joseph staring at his phone most of the time, fingers scrolling over nothing, back and forth through useless installed apps. She'd finished five minutes early, hanging her lab coat on a stood coat rack, then walked out from behind the counter and handed him the bag – white paper with his name printed neatly on a red and blue sticker.

 

"Twice, once in the morning and at night, take with food" she recited it off the top of her head. She was a pharmacist, probably had hundreds of people night and day, "Easy enough?"

 

Again, he nodded and followed after her out the door, the bag clutched tightly into his hand.

The rusty door creaked open, letting her out before himself. The air seemed to get colder than before, small flakes of snow littering their shoulders, the whistle of the wind biting against his open neck. The trees hushed against each other, leaves falling and branches breaking off to the ground. Joseph pulled up his collar, trying to mask it from the cold. Finally looking back up to her, he noticed he was slightly behind, and so he jogged a few steps forward to meet her pace.

 

 "Anywhere in particular you'd like to go?" Joseph asked, eyes anywhere but her. He was admiring each crack in the ground the snow was starting to stickto.

 

He looked back up to see her shake her head. He took that as an invitation to lead her into a small coffee shop he'd been to before. They walked down a couple blocks, its' bright sign flickering on and off.

 'DOLCE VITA' it read. Being about five fifty pm,  it was odd to see the shop looking fairly isolated, all the other buildings closed around it, curtains drawn and lights out. Aside from that, he liked it there. Dolce Vita, was run by a middle aged man, cropped hair and slight stubble on his chin. He looked the exact part, apron thrown over all white clothing, greeting them cheerfully as they walked in. There was nobody around, it seemed dead, each table vacant, as if ghosts inhabited the place. It would just prove to be better. Quieter was always better. He ordered their drinks – two dark coffees. Joseph placed a cup in front of Kidman and sat one down in front of himself.

 

“So” she played with a strand of her hair, twisting it between two of her fingers. Her eyes were fixated on him, bright blue against his dark, almost black brown. Again, he hadn't noticed it before, but she really was pretty, “What have you been up to?” she took a sip of her coffee, no sugar or cream. It was weird, she didn't flinch, just as if it wasn’t terribly bitter.

 

Kind of reminded him of...

 

“You know, the usual. Actually waking up in the morning, working” She hummed a response, taking another sip, leaning one of her elbows on the table. Joseph moved back in his chair, trying to make himself comfortable under her gaze. There was a slight silence that washed over them before Kidman spoke again.

“Hmm, yeah. I've been trying to find a cheaper apartment recently. Raising the rent in mine by two hundred... ridiculous” 

Joseph nodded, he understood completely.

“I understand” he moved forward on the table, resting both his hands, “I was living with this guy, Sebastian, for a while. He moved out some time ago, its been getting harder and harder to pay rent now that he left”

 

He noticed the grip on her mug get tighter when he mentioned Sebastian. Her eyes narrowed, thin eyebrows furrowed together... But quickly after, he saw her expression change, the corners of her lips turning upwards, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she focused her gaze back to him,

 

 “What a shame...”

 

“Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen him. He was a really nice guy.”

 

She looked over to him and got up from her seat.

“Mind walking me home? I'm not feeling too great ”

Joseph was already up out of his chair at the request.

 

He waved goodbye to the owner, following the other out the door. It felt like a blizzard had struck. In the short amount of time they were in the shop, the streets had been completely lined white, the hush of wind and snow was loud on his ears as he tugged his collar back up. It was nearing six thirty at this point, it was dark and there was absolutely nobody on the road. It was strange. He neared the girl, who was leading him in an unfamiliar direction, through back alleys that seemed really sketchy, but he figured to trust her. Maybe it was a shortcut?

 

They had stopped at a chain link fence, two padlocks securing it from opening. Joseph looked around but was met with silence.

She turned, her figure barely visible through the snow fall. He could make out that she was standing facing him. Her hair blew against the wind as she stepped closer to him. He didn't know what to do but he didn't run. He stood in place and waited for her to say something, anything.

 

She stumbled closer, falling onto him practically. He heard her take a harsh breath. Moving her hands around his back, her head on his neck, placing soft kisses. His face heated up and his first reaction was to move up against something, maybe try and push her away... He tried to;  but was pushed harshly against the small space between him and the wall, wincing as his head hit the hard brick. Joseph felt disgusting, her hands trailing everywhere on his body, her mouth finding its way to the corner of his. He heard her snickering, teasing her fingers along the hem of his jeans...

 

No...

He didn't want this...

 

He looked down to meet her gaze.

 

Her eyes...

 

Black and red met his stare and then he knew – he was never getting out of this alive. She moved one of her legs in between his, trying to look innocent.

 

“S-stop I... I-I don't want this...”  He knew she wouldn't, she would end up eating him, leave him to die and then leave his remains.As most ghouls did. She halted her movements, looking up at him, a grin plastered on her face.

 

“I'm taking you from him” she seethed,  slipping a hand over his mouth.

She had her kagune out behind her, four squid like tentacles, moving around each other. She quickly moved one over his neck to cease his breathing,

 

“I can't believe he'd ever want you”

 

What...?

 

It felt like another nightmare as he felt everything start to fade to black, her smirk getting wider as she started tightening the grip on his neck. He couldn't cry out or fight back. His hands were limp at his sides, held down by two of the tail like tentacles.  His legs were starting to give out as he shook from the pain. She took this as an opportunity to take a bite from his forearm. Joseph tried to scream from the pain but only gasps of dying air got through.

 

Kidman made a disgusted face as she swallowed the flesh.

 

“You smell like _him..._ ” Her eyes narrowed as she spoke.Then, she started to giggle.

“Hah... he actually...” she looked down, blood trickling from her chin onto the cement beneath them. She had a foul expression on her face, which soon changed to one of pure ecstasy, her laughter getting louder and more obnoxious as she spoke. The kagune around his neck only got tighter, choking out his last breaths.

She looked him dead in the eyes, going into hysterics,

“HE DID IT, HE M-”

He heard something shriek, the sound of flesh being torn apart and then a loud 'thump' as something hit the ground. He couldn't register what was going on, not being able to see... loud shreds entered his ears... liquid being splashed around, each time a  strangled cry would fall out into the air... the pressure around his neck eased, and then disappeared completely…  

He heard rustling coming from the direction of the sounds, then soft footsteps towards him.

His glasses had long tumbled away during the commotion, he couldn't focus or see the potential threat nearing him. He didn't know where Kidman went... judging by the noises, maybe somebody was trying to rescue him... He felt hot liquid forming a stain on his stomach… he didn't remember being hurt there. But then again, he couldn't remember... his head felt fuzzy and stomach ached... it was probable that he was in another nightmare... but maybe this was all a joke...

 

A cruel joke.

 

The footsteps didn't stop. He was too weak to move...

 

He heard more rustling before two hands found themselves sliding protectively around him, the other person pulling him close to their chest. Their smell was familiar... cheap coffee and cologne…Even though the world was blackened around him, he felt calm... his hands still fell to his sides, the fresh would stung... he felt empty… how could he let this happen to himself...

 

He didn't want anyone else while he was in this state... he wanted a taller male, who would greet him as he woke up, explain morning news to him, and buy shitty coffee he could complain about.

He felt tears falling, littering the pools of crimson around them.

 

“Sebastian...”

 

He heard himself whimper, low... coarse, quiet like a pin drop.

 

“I heard you the first time”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by Lord-Overlord


	3. Temptation

The doctors told him it was a miracle.

 

A soft beeping and bright lights said otherwise.

 

"It missed your main artery by two inches, you are very lucky, sir"

 

Yeah, lucky.

 

But blanched ceiling tiles pointed towards unlucky, the drip of the IV laughed, and the nurse's faces mocked him. They brought him grey food, their visage formed into a scowl. High voices were cheerful for their pay.

 

The days seemed to pass. The outdoors through the glass stormed on, tree branches blowing against the window. Each leaf sounding of its own, scratching against his ears.

 

Thump. Thump. Thump.

 

He couldn't remember who came to see him, a smirk plastered on their face. Had he been sleeping..?

Their voices all sounded the same, but… This time it was real, the excitement in their tone was, at least.

 

"Two days..." He heard a shuffle, the person leaning over to clasp his hand, delicate fingers gripping lifeless ones "...and you can finally leave". They rubbed a thumb over his hand, an affectionate gesture. Too bad it was mostly numb.

Only hearing light sobbing, the only thing he really felt was wet drops litter the back of his fingertips. He felt his mind go back to blank shortly after.

 

-

 

 

Being born as a ghoul, his senses were always much better than that of a human.

 

His mother was born out of the city, growing up in the calm rural area of the state, three hours out. She was a neat lady, respectful. Her hair always tied into a bun or ponytail, clothing kept decent. She was born a human, as her parents were, and their parents before that.

His father was born into the poor area of Krimson in an abandoned apartment building's seventeenth floor. His parents were killed when he was fifteen.

 

When the boy's mother and father met, it was at great odds – ghouls and humans never really mixed. But when the poor man saw her from across the nightclub they were at, he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, her hair tied neatly to her side and when he muttered a bashful 'hello' her smile was like no other.

A couple of months after they met, they got together, his father never telling her he was a ghoul. If he told her, she would most certainly run away or tell the police. He figured to save it until a better time. Some years later, the night before they got married he told her. She didn't cry or run. There was the initial shock of it all, but she pushed it aside since this was the man she loved, who she was about to marry.

 

The night she told him she was pregnant, his heart sunk. It felt as if he was going to lose the contents of his lunch, hardly feeling or hearing his pulse.

When she found out, she was ecstatic, bouncing eagerly on the sofa waiting for him to get in from work, her fingers fumbling together, a bright smile plastered on her face. When he came home, it dropped when she noticed the tears streaming from his face at the two words.

'A ghoul and a human can never have children, the child won't be properly nourished, and die before birth. There is no other way to keep the child unless you behave as a ghoul up until the time the child is born.' 

He held her the rest of the night, her quiet cries filling the room. She had been so happy. She didn't know what to do, she would have to become a ghoul... Eat like one...

And she would do it.

Each day her husband would come home late, bringing her unmarked flesh, it would always be slightly cooked, but the center would be raw.

It was hard to do, the first time she tried, she threw up. It was disgusting, but she forced herself to eat, for her child... Their child. She had to do this. For them.

Nine months later, she held him, cradled in her arms. The tears felt permanent, trickling down her face, but she was so happy... Finally she was able to hold their son. A task that would have been impossible.. But she proved them all wrong.

 

Even though they didn't have much as he grew, they compensated by making sure to teach the boy everything they knew about ghouls. Even if she was human, she did her best to explain everything her husband had told her. She cherished the boy, his father had been out late every day, and to pass time, she would tell their child stories about how they met or facts about his kagune until he would fall asleep in her arms. When the kid was about eight, his father had gone out hunting, his mother joining him for once so she could help lure out the victims. It was late so they insisted he stay home since the 'bad men' were looking for them.

 

Sebastian's parents were killed that night by those very bad men.

 

At ten he was like a dog, hunting for his food solely by scent, providing for himself – alone. By thirteen, he'd start to get risky, pulling person after person off the streets, each night. The cops had noticed, as well as other ghouls. He had toned down after the publicity, eating the same person for a few days before tossing them away. But everything slipped off course the night he met her. He was seventeen at the time, walking back to his residence, a small abandoned shed, shared by another ghoul. He would always be quite bloody after each hunt, so the others warned him to stay off the streets, and go through the alley to get back. He only noticed when he heard a scared inhale of breath. Looking around, he finally caught eye. She was young, sitting alone against the bricks, covering herself with only an old piece of fabric, matching stained white t shirt and ripped jeans to fight against the cold. She looked at him, her eyes watering, red and black meeting his. She looked exhausted, afraid. Shaking. He looked down at her, eyes narrowed, not being able to understand why such a young girl was out by herself. She reminded him of himself.

He couldn't ask her name before she had bit out of his forearm, her sobs echoing through the alleyway as he continued looking down, an upset expression plastering his face. He pulled her close, the pain in his arm stung, it bled onto his clothes but he dismissed it. He had greater things to worry about. Her chewing stopping after a few moments, shaking sobs starting up again as she buried her face into his chest.

 

Kidman was only nine.

 

-

Despite being younger, she had already taken her place in the hideout they all shared. He had formerly shared the small shed with only one other ghoul. He was one year younger, sixteen. They all got along just fine. The other's life had been rough, formerly known as Ruben Victoriano, he'd taken his new name, Ruvik, with pride... And for a reason. The Victoriano family was very wealthy, they lived on the far side of Krimson, towards the farm lands. They had money to burn, all for their donations to the hospitals, human subjects and miscellaneous organs. Whatever they wouldn't eat would be sold.

They were ghouls.

Selling directly to the hospitals wouldn't work, so they had people on the black market buying from them to sell to the hospitals for them and well, other ghouls too.

The younger boy said he had a bad feeling the day their seller was tracked down by the police, or as he called them, the 'CCG'. He had questioned Ruvik before about them, but he really couldn't remember. He told him that all he remembered was one late night, they came in numbers, they all held briefcases and all had a torch. The leader had black hair he said, and he shouted a jumble of words before he ran in, throwing flames at his family, setting them on fire. Ruvik had heard the commotion and hid in the basement, not leaving until he heard every polished shoe step out of the house.

He swore he could still hear their laughter.

 

Ruvik had changed since then. He always said he never remembered his parents much, only his sister, who, he was sure, was the most beautiful girl in the world. But he had to make some changes to his appearance not to be caught. His hair before was cut short, pushed to the side, white bangs ghosting his face. Now it was shaven clean off. He said he used to look like his father, and that he much preferred his new style.

 

Kidman was very quiet and usually kept to herself. Ruvik was sort of the same, but would always strike up conversation when needed. They were sort of like a small family. Sebastian would bring back corpses for the two of them each couple of days. They would thank him always, Ruvik smirking and Kidman smiling politely before digging in. It always reminded the oldest of what his father used to do for him.

And for five years they lived just like that.

 

Until Ruvik was caught.

Then things got worse again. They didn't hear from him for two years after that. Fourteen year old Kidman at the time wanted to know what happened, but Sebastian would always lie...

"He's living with a close friend, he'll be back soon"

It stung his heart to say so.

 

By year four, when Kidman was eighteen, she left him. The man that was most like her father, left behind to follow her dreams... 'School' she said, she didn't want to 'live as a ghoul' anymore... And Sebastian didn't stop her... But when he got an apartment with a certain bespectacled man and started smelling her scent on him... He knew something wasn't right... He didn't care at first, brushed it off as nothing...

 

But six years later he'd be crying over her bleeding corpse, snow covering the crimson drops with its white petals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by Lord-Overlord


	4. Consultation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hasn't been beta'd since I'm too excited to post it OTL  
> mostly a backstory chapter !!

Joseph woke up without the warmth that he'd felt as he slept, there seemed to be no indication of any other presence that was there. A chair was set up beside him, a leather bag thrown to the side of the end table. Everything smelt strongly of ashes. His head hurt, beyond anything else, the morphine they had him on eating away at his injuries leaving behind its mark. But the weirdest thing was that his stomach felt raw, as if someone cut him open, he could feel the skin sliding against each other, the stitches coming undone. It felt as nails on a chalk board sounded; horrible. He was stuck lying back, but he dragged a hand to his stomach to feel, and he was right... Horizontal cut across his lower stomach, a total of... 20... Or more stitches. As usual, he didn't remember falling asleep, but every time in his dreams, he always saw Sebastian sitting beside him, their fingers laced together, the older mumbling things to him and smiling...

No... That's not right, he shouldn't be feeling like this... Especially, about Sebastian. But even so... He still smelt the musk of cigarettes on his skin when the presence was gone, like a anesthetic that wouldn't go away, lulling him to sleep each time he would wake. Hearing the same words whispered over and over

"I'm so sorry..."

If only he could wake to say it's okay. 

 

The day she left her religious household, she vowed to never go back. Julie's mother was neglectful, uncaring. She would sit and rock herself back and forth in her rocking chair, letting her years slip by, using her time waiting for each Sunday.Her room was at the end of the hall, her silhouette visible only in shadow. Kidman would find herself coloring in pages of books at young age to rid herself of the feeling that _nobody_ cared, taking walks around the square of the village to remind herself she still was somebody, waiting until everyone slept to watch the weeping angel illuminated from her windowsill. Every night asking it why she turned out as she did. A ghoul, with a mother who never cared and a father who left. She would ask that one day her mother would bring her fresh food, pay attention, care for her, say that she loved her.

So, When her mother stopped bringing home meals, a female ghoul took her somewhere new. A big city called Krimson. She couldn't argue, as an eight year old, the biggest question was,

"Is my mommy coming too?"

She never remembered the lady's face though, as if a black stain was over it in her memory. This lady cared for her, brought her food, taught her about her 'Kagune' which was some special 'thing' that would help her in trouble. Some nights Julie was allowed to watch her hunt, she was agile like a cat, and fast. The humans would run, but within seconds later she would come get her, saying, "Its safe now" with a smile big enough that it could brighten worlds.

Six months, and the lady seemed to be getting frantic, supposedly 'evil men' were trying to catch her, and it would be dangerous to go out. But gnawing on the last rations they had, she had no choice, the only assurance was the hope that it had lightened up in a few weeks. She locked her apartment door behind the two of them and they took off.

-

_"-RUN"_

Kidman could smell the blood from miles, it shone as diamonds did under bright lights. She remembered through the black was a face, one twisted into a look of horror, mouth agape and nose bloody. Her hand was extended out to the girl hiding in an alley. Julie, clenching her fist and covered her mouth with the other, hiding the screams that threatened to come out. The lady's neck was cut clean open, she could see her fingers twitching and hear the her breaths getting more frantic as they died out. That's when she saw them, the group of men, all wearing cloaks, holding briefcases to their sides. They were... Laughing...?

"Well there's another one gone!"

"She did put up quite the fight, managed to scratch me up a bit"

One of the cloaked men chuckled low in his throat, "Well, we'll just make her go through _hell_ once we get back"

Through watering eyes, she watched as one man grabbed her lifeless legs, watching them as they dragged her away, leaving a crimson trail behind her. And just like that she was alone again. Lost, had no home, only the clothes on her back as she wandered around alleyways, some days it rained and she didn't know where to go, having no choice other than to curl up in the dark corners. Days went by and she couldn't take it, it might of been weeks, she didn't care... She was starving...

It was late one night, and she heard something, it sounded too large to be a cat, and the noise sounded like steps against pavement. It turned down they alley to where she was huddled over, it smelt fresh, she couldn't remember the last time she ate, she heard it stop. Directly in front if her, but why... She looked up, her eyes felt as if they were burning. She felt herself shaking as she looked up into the person's eyes. She'd never seen him before but she felt as if she knew him...

She parted her lips and lunged at him, just as she watched the cat like lady do. She tasted blood on her tongue biting down hard into his arm taking as much as she could get, trying to fend off her choked sobs rising from her throat. The man pulled his arm away from her, pulling her into a tight embrace, she could feel his blood soaking through her already stained clothes. She could hear herself sobbing, her cries echoing against the damp walls. She buried her face against his chest, digging her uncut nails into his clothes.

"I'm not going to hurt you, im a ghoul too"

Breaking from her cries, she stiffened, trying to push away but his arm was still secured tightly around her back. She tried to scream, the noise only coming out as a whine,

"You seem pretty lost out here, I have a place close if you need somewhere to stay"

She quieted down a bit but the tears still stuck against her cheeks, she didn't know how to respond, nodding her head slightly. It's not like she had anywhere else to go. She felt him exhale a breath as he pulled his arm away from her, Leaning down to meet her level, he outstretched a hand, red and black orbs meeting her mirrored ones, 

"Well then, nice to meet you, I'm Sebastian"

"I-im J-Julie... "

She gripped her bloody hand with his, taking a long breath, then using all her energy left to crack a smile at his upturned lips.

 

 

-

 

The place they lived in, wasn't much, it was almost like a small trailer, small like a shed. It had a rectangle style layout and most of the essentials. A small kitchenette, (which wasn't used), a bathroom in front of it, then two hammock style beds facing the door as she walked in, there was also a small cot, with a TV plugged into one of the only working outlets beside it.

It was already more like home than hers ever was.

 

-

 

 

If she was honest. For the first month, Ruvik scared her, the first time she saw him, she hid behind Sebastian and shook. He only looked up from his book and laughed at her,

"Nice to meet you too"

As scary as he was, after a few months, Kidman felt awfully safe when she was around him, for some reason he had somewhat of a brother quality. The mors she settled in, the more she would talk to him. He would always be reading, Julie would look over his shoulder to look at the pictures, they were detailed pictures of brains with tons if tiny writing explaining them. She wanted to ask him to teach her to read, so she could understand too.

 Sebastian felt like a father to her... Or what a father would be like if hers hadn't abandoned her, but she imagined a father like him. She felt attatches to him most. Julie would wonder if this would last, or if it would end up as it had with the lady. That's why when  he'd leave some nights, she would feel her heart swell, and her chest ache. Her worries were always broken when she'd see him walk through the door. But even still, each night he'd leave she couldn't break the feeing something would go wrong...

"Don't worry, I'll be back soon"

Then, the door would click shut, echoing through the almost empty rooms of the house. Against her aching skull the soft words rung.

_"Don't worry"_

Instead of comforting, it caused the realization that it was an impossible task.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry this is late:(


	5. Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at updating, this chapter has been done for 3 months...  
> If you wanna see progress : nnoites@twitter

He felt as if he was floating. As if he were light as air, his whole body numb. The dulling sensation like a morphine forcing itself into his system, right down to his legs. Cramping uncomfortably to his toes. He felt as if his arms were confined, broken behind his back, the pain muddled. During it all, he would be unable to move of course. His mouth was being slowly filled with copper, hard to breath; suffocating him. His eyes were fixated, being forced to watch someone tear Julie apart. They would always be crying, the tears mixing with the crimson liquid pooling around her, two strong hands around her neck as he choked the life out of her while he watched. The look of betrayal in her eyes was sickening as ruby liquid spilt from the corners. Mouthing one last 'Why' before she would go limp in the person's arms. The scene replayed itself over and over in his mind like a broken record. Sometimes she would be eating him alive, her hands shaking, ripping open his stomach and pulling out his organs. The blood spotting the pavement, sounding like raindrops. The strangest thing, would always be that he saw Sebastian watch her do this... As if he knew her. He looked like a father looking at a daughter, wondering where he went wrong through the years. A hand covering his eyes as he shook his head, he would mouth out a last 'why' Before Joseph would watch him walk away, turning his back on him when he needed it.

One day he dreamt someone was sitting beside him. He could see them but not their face... As if it was blocked out. Weirdly he found he could feel their presence, slowly recognizing them by scent, it was calming; Familiar. That of cigarettes and bad coffee, Joseph felt warm. Sometimes their fingers were laced together. Sometimes a hand ran through his hair, pushing strands from his face brushing across his shut eyelids. It felt almost real, as if the person beside him was actually there. He could hear the apologies that seemed to never stop, the choked sobs as they breathed out 'Kid...' over and over. The grip on his hand would tighten with each breath. Feeling small raindrops litter the space beside him.

It sounded like the same familiar voice that used to wish him a good morning and recall him daily events. The same voice that would drive him over the edge in dreams where he would be doing... Explicit things to him, whispering his name in that breathy tone as he would trail his hands up Joseph's thighs while he kissed up his neck... That voice he remembered, was Sebastian's. Soon after coming to the realization, that he was here. The man who suddenly left him one day. Who suddenly stopped talking barely muttering any words to him. Excluding, from when he came back to their apartment with burning alcohol littering his tongue, saying grotesque things to try and have his way. Who would fuck random girls various nights and off an off chance try to use him for that same reason. It bubbled his stomach with pure rage that that familiar scent wasn't any coincidence or dream, now since he was hurt he cared. Joseph wanted to tell him to leave, that he should of been there for him while he was being _eaten alive..._ He wanted to make him let go of the strong hold around each of his fingers. He hated him...  he _hated_ him... _he hated him..._ the man he couldn't get out of his head...

Sebastian...

"I'm so sorry..."

'It's okay... just stop apologizing already...'

Through his anger he found he still wanted to tell him. He wanted to wake up and yell at him about how much he was _worried_ about him that every night when he'd come back he would want to scream and beg him to stop leaving. To finally answer his question on why... On why he was being so cold. Through it all he just wanted hold him, to bury his face into his disheveled hair to feel his breath against his own... He wanted to feel his lips against his throat, marking him as his... To lock lips with him until he would be breathless. He wanted to take his face in his hands and kiss him until he would promise to never apologize again. He wanted Sebastian to hold him and tell him that he would keep him safe...

 The scariest dreams were always the realest.

-0-0-0-

From his pulled up sleeve, the white haired boy found himself looking over the various bite marks occupying his arms yet again. Wondering vaguely to himself how he let it get this far. They stung, the one on his collar stung too... The other various ones littering across his thin waist underneath the loosely wrapped bandage hurt as well. Sitting in the all too familiar physiatrists office he made sure to wear a thick sweater, to make sure she couldn't see _them_. Tatiana would be certain to question him, just like his neighbor had, asking him if he needed to talk to her one morning when he stepped out to get the mail, making the mistake of not putting on a long sleeved shirt. Frankly, He was fed up with talking to people... All the doctors... Miss Gutierrez. So he brushed it off. Waving away her questions with a trembling hand and quickly stepped back inside.

He didn't know how to explain that he was with someone who demanded a _lot_  of him...

Someone who would slink a hand around his tiny frame affectionately then move their head to bite out small chunks out of his shoulder without warning.  
It hurt the few first times, that he would scream horifically and the other would have to silence him with a hand over his mouth. Thinking back, he didn't think it was healthy... Especially since his meds had doubled since they'd met...Leslie hated talking about it, about being sick. But he needed his pills. They helped him sleep and quieted down the voices and terrible visions in his memory.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked down at the clear plastic pillbox in his shaking hand. Popping it open with a slight struggle, then proceeding to throw the two oval tablets into his mouth. He heard the lock on doctor Gutierrez's door click open, reacting quickly; pulling his sleeve down over the bites. The white haired boy noticed a tall man exit her room, noting that he carried a slip of paper between his fingers, smiling gently at the physiatrist before taking his leave. Leslie heard his name called and quickly jumped up shuffling quickly past her to get into the tiny room.

Leslie continued to think as he waited for her to get her things together.

He thought about how weak he was compared to _him_  and how quickly he would give in when he would be pulled onto _his_  lap, one of the others hands around his thin waist, rubbing circles lovingly into his small frame. He would then lean up to capture his lips, kissing and biting until the younger would pull away breathless. Taking one of his arms the older, kissing along his fingers, up to his wrist feeling his pulse beat against his lips, licking over the sensitive spot earning a surprised noise from the albino. He smirked, moving up to suck at a higher part staining his pale skin with red circles. He lifted his shirt slightly to expose his stomach, inhaling his scent. He was skinny, his ribs were almost visible, no signs of any extra weight. Usually caused from his medication. Leslie buried his face into the others neck, readying himself for the pain to come, breathing out in shallow pants. The older ran a hand over a spot on the youngers hip, feeling him jolt from the attention, then leaned him back onto the couch, hovering over him. Leslie's eyes were closed, one hand covering his mouth partly, his chest rising and falling steadily. He kissed the top of his head before sinking his teeth into his side. Hearing a muffled scream from the other. He lapped up the blood and swallowed the flesh,. Leslie's eyes were watering and groans of pain were falling from his throat.

"I-it it- hurts-"

he choked out feeling his side burning like fire. He bit the back of his hand, and covered his eyes with his arm.

"You'll get used to it" he heard in sharp breathy tone before his hand was pushed from his mouth and replaced by the others lips.

 

-0-

 

"You feeling okay Leslie?"

hearing her voice her broke through his reverie, touching his side unconciously as he thought about what had happened the day before. The truth was he wasnt feeling okay, he was pretty sure he bled through the first set of bandages and his meds made him drowsy and nauseous but as if a pattern, he nodded his head to her question,   
"s-sorry... i'm fine, we can start now?" 

She nodded and started writing something down onto her clipboard,   
"of course, now tell me whats been bothering you"  
  
He really wish he could, and a sharp pain at his side reminded him he wasn't ever allowed to.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Being woken up the second time with strange dreams was unsettling. Especially when they were about Sebastian- again. He was groggy, his eyes were a blur and when a nurse walked in and saw he was awake, she almost dropped her clipboard. Walking up to him to make sure and then rushed back down the hall to find the superior.

The doctor was a british man, proably in his late fifties, he stumbled into the room almost as excited as the nurse and immediatley  began to question him,

"Now... Does your head feel fuzzy?"

He casted a nod in his direction and the doctor scribbled a note onto the clipboard he was holding.  
  
"Does anything feel off? aside from your stomach that is"  
  
He shook his head, it was pounding, it felt as if his brain was ready to break through his skull, he could definitely feel the start of a migraine coming on. He covered his eyes with his hand, trying to shield them from the harsh lights. After answering a few questions more he looked to the doctor with a small smile, opening his mouth slightly to silence him,  
  
"I'd like to rest"  
  
As in rest he meant think... Try to put the pieces together and figure out what happened.   
The doctor mimicked his nod and bid him a pleasant sleep, leaving out the door with a soft click he knew too well. He tried to think of anything else was 'off' but there seemed to have been multiple things lately. He let out a held in breath then rolled over onto his side, wincing at the pain. Pulling the thin, uncomfortable blanket up to shield himself from the bite in the room.   
   Now that physician was gone. He found himself relax; just for a moment, before everything started hurting. His head pounded and his stomach burnt as if fire was tearing through his skin. He hissed out in pain and bit the back of his hand; wincing. Hoping this outburst would subdue. He wanted to press the emergency button, his fingers hovered over it but at the same time he didn't want the doctors back in poking questions his way.   
  
As for questions. He had his fair share, as, how did he get in the hospital? Who brought him? _why_  did they bring him... The only thing he remembered was walking Julie home from the cafe. After that? Nothing. Had he gotten hit by a car? Did somebody shoot him to steal his money? It would kind of explain... but... it wouldn't explain the twenty stitches on his stomach though. Thinking over the subject did little, and he found himself back to the beginning with everything still left unanswered.   
   As he was ready to doze off once more, he heard the sound of the heavy metal door click open. He figured it was probably one of the nurses, to check if he was still doing okay. He heard footsteps coming closer, making a soft thudding noise against the floor. He heard the nurse stop at the foot of his bed, then move around to the side where the chair was. At this point, he wasn't sure it was the nurse.. Its not like his parents were alive, he had no siblings and all his relative's lived in other states. Without opening his eyes, He heard the metal legs scratch against the floor as somebody sat down. He fluttered open his eyes, the neon lights continuing to increase his migraine and looked at the intruder.

"Joseph,"

  
the other's voice breathed out, a familiar scent of strong cigarettes, and burnt coffee,

"we have a _lot_  to talk about."

  
Sebastian's lips turned up into a tired smile, and Joseph's heart felt as if it had sank.


End file.
